04 Dec Daddy Issues: “My Inheritance” by Cory Asbury

Daddy issues. How cliché?

It’s cliché for a reason, though. We all have had broken relationships in our past. Maybe it’s the typical struggle with an emotionally distant father. Maybe we had a “tiger mom.” Maybe a mentor or coach was always angry and demanding. I could go on. The point is the carry these wounds from our past with us. They are what we inherit from those who came before us. They’re part of us, whether we like it or not. Instead of denying or running from these painful realities, what if we learned to embrace this dark, wounded, and messy part of our soul?

Cory Asbury summarizes to American Songwriter the feelings and experiences that generated this song this way:

I grew up with a dad who was rough, rough in a lot of ways. Wasn’t the typical amazing dad that you always call…It was a lot of difficulty in the home as a young man and I think [I was] processing that with a lot of anger even. Frustration even at God, like, ‘Why would you give me this dad that I didn’t feel like I got a lot from?’ I felt like I just got hurt and pain and suffering out of it.

So, this song functions a lot like a lament psalm. It embraces the reality that his dad wasn’t the kind of father he hoped for—certainly his dad didn’t resemble his heavenly Father. Yet, notice how there’s a little generosity towards his father, mixed with anger.

I knew he loved his whiskey
I knew he loved his wine
But I was never quite sure if he loved me
And I always wondered why
I didn’t want his money
Lord knows he didn’t have much
Maybe this guitar he gave me was his “I believe in you, son”

The literal guitar and his love of music came from his dad. So, even though his dad didn’t do much, he gave him a tool to process the messy parts of his soul. I’ve spoken with many creative friends of mine, and we all agree that we write to “sort ourselves out.” Putting our experiences and feelings to words is often just as healing for the writer as it is for the reader.

I didn’t get forgiveness for the smallest of things
But I got who he was and who I didn’t want to be
And God I’m thankful for the beauty in the mess
I wouldn’t be the man I am today
I guess that’s my inheritance.

Asbury laments, “I didn’t get forgiveness for the smallest of things.” Here we see the inverse of “hugging your cactus.” Our mission is fundamentally rooted in seeking and giving forgiveness in everything that we do. Yet, the world is full of harsh people, full of unforgiveness. Yet, in the midst of this pain, Asbury learns to “hug the cactus” by seeing “beauty in the mess.” Like a flowering cactus, life can be both prickly and beautiful.

There ain’t much of nothin’ that I didn’t try
Looking for love in every wrong place
Didn’t make it right
I hurt a lot people ’cause hurt people hurt
And sayin’ sorry when you’re not sorry, man, it never works.

The cliché rings true again. Here’s the prodigal son story in living color (Luke 15). The why behind the running is enlightening: “’cause hurt people hurt.” He was “looking for love in every wrong place.” This wandering is found in every story, because every great story is like the “Odyssey,” it’s about a journey home.

I ran like hell to Jesus
Didn’t know what else to do
He showed me his hands and He said
Son I did this for you
And you’ll be a daddy like you never knew
‘Cause I take broken things and make ’em new

Here’s the restoration: the equivalent of new shoes, a new robe and a golden ring; it’s killing the fattened calf because the lost is found. Jesus welcomes Asbury with his scars. Jesus is indeed near to the brokenhearted because he was broken that we might be made whole. Indeed, “’cause I take broken things and make ‘em new.”

And I got forgiveness for the smallest of things
And I got who He was and who I wanted to be
God I’m thankful You saw beauty in this mess
It made me the man I am today
I guess that’s my inheritance
That’s my inheritance.

The chorus that began as a lament psalm, ends as psalm of thanksgiving: bitter anger transforms into sweet contentment.

The chorus is introduced as an ugly caterpillar and concludes as a beautiful butterfly. The scars are still there; he’s still wounded, he’s still a mess. But now there’s new meaning, “God I’m thankful you saw beauty in this mess.”

I’d like to end with a line from “Ted Lasso” where Higgins encourages Jaime to reimagine how he relates to his horrible father:

“I love him for who he is,

and forgive him for who he isn’t.”

That’s my prayer for the people who have wounded us in the past. We love them for who they are and forgive them for who they aren’t. After all, eternal forgiveness and a restored relationship with God is our true inheritance. God said to Aaron (and the Levites and Priests),

“You won’t get any inheritance in land, not so much as a small plot of ground: I am your plot of ground, I am your inheritance among the People of Israel.

–Numbers 18:20 (The Message)